


Little Prick

by crazycatt71



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Humor, M/M, STB Bingo, Sex Toys, Sexual innuendos, Snarky Bucky Barnes, Snarky Tony Stark, cactus, winteriron
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:33:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27823060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazycatt71/pseuds/crazycatt71
Summary: A rude comment, and an unusual sex toy lead to Bucky & Tony getting together
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark
Comments: 5
Kudos: 84
Collections: STB Bingo: Round One





	Little Prick

**Author's Note:**

> Fill for STB Bingo   
> square I-4 cactus

Bucky had strange mixed up feelings about one Tony Stark. On one hand, the guy was so smoking hot that Bucky was surprised everything he touched didn't get set on fire and he wondered more often than he would ever admit even under the threat of having to listen to a drunk Thor and Clint sing show tunes; one round of “I feel pretty.” from West side story and “What is this feeling?” from Wicked was more than enough, if the rumours of his sexual prowess had any truth to them.

On the other hand, Tony's snarky, sarcastic sense of humour, his lone cowboy act, and his annoying habit of always pushing peoples buttons had Bucky always one breath away from wanting to strangle him.

Today was a want to strangle Tony day. The genius had spent the whole team meeting whining and bitching, which had Steve snapping back, which had Tony snarling back at him, which tripled the length of the meeting and put the whole team in a bad mood. Looking around the room, seeing the murderous looks the team was giving their leaders, Bucky realized he was going to have to do something or there was going to be a lot of violence and he might be the one who drew first blood.

With a huff of annoyance, he stood up and walked around the table to where Tony and Steve stood toe to toe, yelling insults at each other.

“Enough,” he ordered, shoving them apart, “shut the hell up and go to your separate corners, Now!”

“Get fucked by a cactus.” Tony snapped.

Bucky let his heated gaze roam over him from head to toe.

“You offering, you little prick?”

There was a collective gasp of shock from the team.

“You... you...” Tony sputtered, his hands flailing around as he tried to recover enough to form a come back.

Bucky gave him one last lingering look, then turned and marched out of the room.

Later, that afternoon, Jarvis announced that a package had arrived for Bucky. Confused, because he hadn't ordered anything and curious as to what it could be, he took it from the delivery bot and carried back to his quarters to open. He tore open the box and stared in confusion at the rubber cactus in a little rubber pot that it contained.

He read the description on the package,  
  


This cactus does not sting at all, but promises gentle orgasms.  
  
The entire stem is slightly bent and essentially a decagon that tapers from the pleasantly thick tip to the handle. These soft edges and the variance of the diameter make even the cactus without burls being a fun!  
  
The lower 5cm (2 inch) part of the approx. 22cm (8.7 inch) long toys are somewhat thicker designed. This area fits well in the hand to guide the toy during the massage. Also, this handle fits exactly into the decorative flowerpot.

  1. Diameter at the top: approx. 3,6cm (1.4 inch)
  2. Diameter at the lower shaft: approx. 3cm (1.2 inch)
  3. Diameter of the handle / base: approx. 4cm (1.6 inch)
  4. Medium-hard silicone (stable but flexible)
  5. Model: dark green without color change with terracotta-colored pot
  6. Ceramic pot (for decoration only): approx. 8cm x 6,5cm (3.1 inch x 2.6 inch)
  7. Weight: toy approx. 240g (8.5 oz) + pot approx. 360g (12.7 oz) = approx. 600g (21.2 oz)
  8. Packing: sealed hygiene bag, coloured tissue paper
  9. Delivery: 1 cactus toy + 1 flowerpot + 1 lubricant sample



then started laughing until he had tears in his eyes and he was gasping for breath. Once he had himself under control, he grabbed the package and headed out the door.

“This your offer?” he asked, tossing the toy on the workbench next to Tony.

“What if it is?” Tony demanded.

“Then we're gonn’a need more than a sample packet of lube.” Bucky told him with a smirk.

Tony snatched up the toy and headed for the elevator, Bucky hot on his heels.

“And just so you know,” Tony told him as they were whisked to the penthouse, “I'm a big prick.”

“I'll be the judge of that.”

The toy is real

[Cactus](https://www.selfdelve-shop.de/Garden-of-Eden/Cactus-CACTOO-1-0::705.html?XTCsid=psrgt8v33l1pbqmjci385sbdi4)


End file.
